Thursday, January 27, 2011

the anxiety is back

well i narrowly escaped the stomach flu.....not. i have been puking since 8am. i am not pregnant yet so its definately the flu. i have a whole new anxiety for what may come if i do get pregnant. i have a huge gut ache with this virus. im miserable. and yes i am a bit scared now for what may come.  whew, craziness, confusion. is it the right thing to do, can i make it through, so many questions come with this preview. i want another baby, am i strong enough to do this again. man, its a tricky thing, the ptsd other hg sisters speak of is now coming to my body. i see how it may be there. i thought i was fine. whew what a challenge we all experience with this dis-ease.
there is a new hg blogger out there and after i read her story i havent been able to get it off my mind. then i wake up to the stomach flu. i will be posting about her experience and the reawakened frustration i and many others have with medical personnel and aloof-ness the medical community has with this debilitating dis-ease. unbelievable. i am grateful for other hg blogs and messages.

when im done herfing up my guts here i will introduce you to this new blogger and hopefully open your mind to the desperate need we all have for this to be OUTLOUD.

one thing i noticed with the stomach flu; once i throw up i feel good for a little bit, unlike hg where there is NO break from the nausea, it is constant and nagging and miserable. reminds me of natural childbirth with pitosin vs without pitosin. lol. if you have experienced both you know what im talking about.

gotta go for now.

Monday, January 24, 2011

Stomach Flu in the HOUSE.

Both the kidlets had the stomach flu this weekend. It was pretty bad. brought back memories of course. I sat with each of them around the clock. wretching every hour sometimes 3 times an hour. I held their heads and hair. Brought out the cold cloth and then the warm cloth. Crosby(2yrs) was amazing, she moaned and whined a bit just before every puking episode. Then dropped to the pillow and rested. Lily was a bit more needy or in need of moms love. She wanted me to hold her head, rub her back, get her hair and wipe her face between the wretching. It was my pleasure. Then she would say I am so glad you can take care of me. You are the best mom in the whole world. So sweet and gentle. My heart sure broke every pukey episode. It was a preview of what might come for me when THE test shows positive. I asked them both if they were going to take care of me when its my turn. They nodded. Only time will tell;)

That brings me to the pregnancy that we are hoping and working for asap.IT didnt take first month of trying. I assume because of the build up and stress of the holidays. The pressing visits, the gift finding, the awful amounts of food consumed at each venue. There was nothing awful about the food, it was all divine. Just the amount of food I personally was able to consume with considerable breaks. LOL. It was a great Christmas and New Year.  We are actively working at getting prego and hope to see results soon. Until then, life as usual. Crossfit in the morning for mommy, walk Lily to school, a run during Crosbys naptime and the usual funtimes at night. Homework at 415 Mon-Thur. Mon. Piano 630. Tue. BBall 630. Wed. Pick Up at 345, Speed School, 430. Thur Same. 345 pick up, Speed School 430. FREE FRIDAY for the kids, with Daddy home from work. I work from 10-230. Then movie night and pizza unless invitation to something. All the while practising, trying, working at the baby making.

Good Times. NO pressure no stress. Just living. With the progesterone Im sure the stress will be minimal and the pressure will not press. Ha.

Have a great week everyone. 

Saturday, January 8, 2011


While waiting for a positive result my mind has been racing. I cannot even imagine what it must be like for those of you out there who have difficulty getting pregnant. Waiting months even years. My heart goes out to you.

I have taken a few steps to quiet my mind.  I have been reading books specifically about the benefits of sleep and the nourishment we all get in that time of needed rest. I am grateful for the people who write about such a thing. I would not have thought about it, probably. SARK writes books dedicated souly to The Art of Napping. Its great. Really brings about a whole new line of thinking. She asks what the readers beliefs are about napping. I use naptime to catch up, well i use to. Crosby goes down for a nap, I get to work. The truth is I want to nap, need to but really hate the messes and unorganization. UGH. I have mucho guilt about it when i do therefore stress. WTH. Guilt for a healthy nourishment the BodyMind gulps up if given the chance. No more guilt.

The other book I am reading called Positive Energy, is about energy psychology. She dedicates a chapter to sleep nourishment. I immediately began planning our bedtimes so that we all get at least 8 hours of sleep. Its that important. I will post the stats I have found on stress, illness and lack of sleep in Americans particularly.

 The incredible energy derived from a brief power nap as opposed to NO nap. Its eye opening. Like I said I appreciate the awakening in regard to sleep and its importance. So Hopefully I can add value to your day by giving you some gems along the way about sleep, its nourishment and necessity and NAPTIME, that I have come across. 

So the goal now is quality sleep time. I moved the furniture around according to a feng shui  article I read. Our bed now faces north. This changed the energy in the room a great deal. We have begun playing self hypnosis cds at bedtime. The one I chose is specific to healthy body. Neither of us has slept so well in a very long time. Its like a drugged sleep... almost.ONLYL BETTER. The side effect is more energy. Its recharging.

I am using hypnosis for the pregnancy in sickness and in labor so why not use it now for sleep. Its awesome. If you dont believe in or fear hypnosis, do some research its probably not what you thought anyway. Its brilliant and logical and refreshing. If you have trouble sleeping and still do not try this non invasive method of assistance, shame on you. It will change your life. Your HEALTH matters, to you, to your family and to the future of both. Now go get some sleep. 

I dedicate today to GUILTLESS NAPPING. Have a good one.

Here is a link to my friend Jessica who does Hypnotherapy in the Boise Valley. She is an incrediblle lady with a passion for helping you get the results you are looking for, with a gentle and healing manner. Check it out. 

Thursday, December 30, 2010

Mad Love.

Posted by PicasaThis is my BiGLoVE. As we go along learning and growing, mis-stepping and Loving one another we LIVE. Love you Family of JuiceFilled Wonder.

Tuesday, December 28, 2010

The JoyFilled Wait

         I may have overcome the anxiety of being nauseous for now. I think about it daily but not in the way you would think. Nope. Me and Eric have been discussing this time I may be hybernating as a nourishing time, a break of sorts from any stress or obligation. 
Originally, before children I had thought that pregnancy would be my bon bon time. Kick back nourish and care for me and my body. No stress no pressure. HG quickly changed those plans. However, the more I ponder the WHOLE thing. It really is a time for reflection and a break from kamikazi mom. I seem to be the disciplinary or the bad guy. I dont mind. But lately the books i have been reading have really got me thinking about my hormonal imbalances and the fact my family puts up with me. Its part hormone haze and part genetic or family FOG. I am double whammified. Therefore so is the fam. My husband is amazing really. I give him such a difficult time most of the month, i have about 4 good days a month that are most excellent for all. Anyway, my point is that i have been working at healing these places in myself so that we can have peace all together. 

The bioidentical progesterone was a Godsend. But not the cure. Getting pregnant was and is going to be a relief where hormones are concerned. Seems at 20 weeks(after ive lost 20lbs and hurfed up a lung:) I am in peak condition, mentally, hormonally, & spiritually. So this first few months of mommy in the closet getting through HG will be a great break for all. Yes i will be hurfing a lot of the time but no-stress hurfing. Ha. Sounds crazy I know. IT has been very fun waking up the creative juices and finding the good in all of this HG business. YES we get the best gift of all at 40 weeks but the other good stuff that comes with it as well. 

I am anxious for the positive result and ready to get this party started. LOL. 

Tuesday, December 21, 2010


Its so exciting working on, testing, planning for babies. I forget the euphoria that comes with it all. Anyway. I may be imagining things, but i just feel different. So soon, i know wild. I may be wrong but I betchya its a done deal.

Heres a thought. So we have done much research on HOW TO MAKE A BOY. Ha. I am amused by all the thoughts advice and theories. Not opposed to doing any and all. However I was thinking yesterday, that the little spirit is already waiting. He/she has been there all along, so if you are working at making a certain sex, does that mess with the balance or is it planned by us. LOL. Is it like spinning the sperm to get the sex you want? Hmm just wondering. I had never really thought of it til yesterday. Thought it was perfectly logical to work at one sex. Now Im not so sure. I never thought spinning the sperm was a good idea, but hear people are doing it. Ha. Think on that.

Monday, December 20, 2010

OPK week

OPKs have begun. We are following the "rules" for conceiving a boy. Wish Eric Luck. Ha. Difficult for me to believe that the sex of baby hasnt already been decided but what the heck. Two OPK tests per day to discover the peak ovulation day. Kinda fun.

The Nanny is set, which is a huge relief. Suzie has agreed and will join us as soon as she is needed. If all goes as planned we will be prego by Decembers end and gestation in full swing. If a miracle happens and we the HG has some how disappeared Wahoooo. IF not we should be seeing signs of HG Week 2 of January and I will do my best to stay hydrated until I am unable. Then the Doc, Dr. Christine Knudsen at St Als will try everything under the sun before having me consent to Picc. Now Do not take this like I am wanting or willing the HG to occur. I am praying for a miracle but preparing for the HG.

Having gone down this road a couple of times I remember not being prepared was stressful and the more stressed an HG woman the worse the HG symptoms. UGH.

Having Suzi agree has taken so much of the stress already and we havent even REALLY begun. I know my kiddos will be taken care of by THE SUZ. She is incredible, kind, loving, loyal, committed, & playful. She requires please and thank you and the usual manners that we too expect and enjoy teaching. She will be amazing and I have a feeling my HG wont be as taxing this time around. The girls absolutely love her. SO wish us blessings this week of ovulation as we embark on the greatest adventure of our lives for the 3rd time. Wahoooo.

Merry Christmas week to all, and may you all be blessed with the light and blessings of Christmas as well. If it is a particularly difficult year I pray for you courage and strength to endure and be the best that you can be.