MY HG Story.

2003 I was 33, and So excited we tested positive, we had been trying about 6 months. The news came just when my husband was leaving on a job to North Dakota. We live in Idaho. He would be gone through July.

At one month or maybe 3 weeks i began vomitting. I just thought it was normal. I was living in a cabin 45 minutes from any family at the time. I was hoping to not share the news with anyone til we were passed the first trimester LOL just in case something went wrong. Hmmmn was i in for it.  :) I lost about 12 lbs and scared my dog half to death wretching as i did, before i finally called home(my mommy) I dragged myself and stanley(the dog) into Boise. Mom took me to a doc, he thought i was exaggerating, being a first timer and all.  Im tough other women have done this I can do it too, I thought to myself. Hmmm another week went by. I hadnt eatin or drank anything at all. It was yucky to throw up nothing let alone food. I would of rather dry heaved or vomited bile. Than undigested food. We Went to The ER to get IV fluids and an anti-nausea that made me crawl the walls. Phenergan I think. I literally saw monkeys jumping around the room, my anxiety was unbearable. Somehow I knew it wasn’t real tho. My mantra(with eyes closed) this to shall pass, its not real…..over and over. It was better with eyes closed but wow it was qwazy.
By the time I had been to the ER 4 or 5 times and lost 25 lbs. The Doc says"Im terribly sorry I think I made a mistake." You are very ill.(ya think) I wasnt to hard on him, for He had never encountered anyone this sick before.....In 26 years of being an OB. Strange i thought, but what can you do for me now. Zofran tabs worked for a whole day. Wahooo. Relief for a day. It was an under the tongue melt away tab. Eventually I’d put it under my tongue and a few minutes later be herfing the foam. Darn it. Besides the tabs were $33 each and I took 3 a day. That would break us. The insurance was refusing to pay any of the costs(ER visits, extra doc visits, or the ZOFRAN) Claiming this had nothing to do with being pregnant.WTH?
 Thats a whole other challenge. Anyway, suppositories and several other anti nausea meds later We just gave in to puking every ten minutes 24/7 and every two days id go to ER for IV fluids. It was unreal, miserable and crazy. I kept a journal and kept telling myself, Nikki you are not dying, you are just having a baby. You can do this. You are not dying, over and over. You arent terminal you are pregnant. You will have an amazing little BB for this very short sacrifice. Ha.
 By this time my mom had taken me to my mother in laws. My moms dogs barked at EVERYTHING and everytime they barked I puked. UGH.Im pretty sure mymom took it personal not realizing the effects this illness had on me. My mother in law would then care for me till the first day of week 20. Wahoo when it all was over and the good stuff began.

That was a long story short. We had a 7 lb. 1 oz baby in 6 hrs of fairly easy natural labor. I felt so blessed.

It seems the stories are all so similar. My first pregnancy much like the rest of you HG endure-ers out there.

The Second child, same as the first only this time I wasn’t waiting around for a doc to figure it out. I was determined to find a doc that would get me a PICC line ASAP. I waited til I really needed the IV fluids until I went looking.

 I found Christine Knudsen at St Als in Boise, Idaho. As she entered the room I hoped she would GET IT right away, as not to waste either of our time. I said I am here to get a PICC if you are not able to order one for me I wont waste your time, but move on til I find someone who will. She agreed I was very ill and in need of fluids. She also realized ER visits every two days with a flower bucket was uncomfortable and stressful. Hence I was immediately sent to XRAY for My first Picc. It was interesting. They put a small amount of local for the initial sting, but could not put the needed amount since I was with child. WHAT? Okay I couldn’t care at that point the STING was a bit more than a “sting” but worth every minute I didn’t have to spend away from home in the next few months. Whew I was feeling less stressed already. That puking every ten minutes really takes it out of ya. Sleep is so IMPORTANT. As I entered Dr. Knudsens office gleaming from the weight that had been lifted knowing I would get IV ZOFRAN via homecare as needed and the INSURANCE would pay for it. Wahoo. She hesitated but said Im sorry I made a mistake. WHAT? Me and my colleagues have been doing a little research and we think the picc is a bad idea I want have it removed and try a feeding tube first. OH no she didn’t. I stepped back and politely told her that wasn’t gonna happen and that I would go somewhere else. She was very concerned of the risks of infection along with pregnancy and im sure did not wan to be liable. At this point I am unable to do this without IV fluids I would ve done anything to keep that picc in. Long story short, she agreed to keep it in if we monitored it very closely. Heck I had done the research, like a fiend. I knew the signs of infection and I knew I was in charge of making sure the picc was properly dressed and redressed. The day it came out and new nurse showed up at my house. She hadn’t seen me and was confused at why I needed the picc in the first place she gave me those looks like I was crazy. WHO CARES what she thought. Not me. I appreciate everything folks do for me and I was very grateful and polite as I explained the illness. She said she thought the picc was new because it was so clean. I smiled and was very proud of that. I know that there those of you out there who have bad experiences with PICCs. If you are new to HG reading this do your research do not rely on your doctor to do the right thing or to even know what the right thing to do could be. They most likely are new to this as well.

 During this PICC time I would reflect the ease of a healthy body and grow an appreciation yet again for my ability to run jump eat drink water etc. The PICC was inserted January 12th I think, and came out in April. What a day that was. I remained severely nauseous til month 9 but only threw up a few more times.

 Both our pregnancies were planned, we did not expect HG. With Crosby(#2) I hoped and fantasized it would go differently. Now our youngest is 2. I turn 40 in a month and we want another. Its now or never. I feel very blessed to have the time to plan. Seems crazy to know what is coming and do it anyway. Also it could seem crazy to not do it knowing what gift( a precious Baby)we get. So we will plan everything we can and ya never know I HG just might be tired of my body by now:)

We wanna do it better than the last. I have a meal train set up for my husband and kids.. We will cancel cable and many other luxury items so that we can hire some help. We do not want to burden our families with this AGAIN knowing what we know.

 I have a ton of guilt during the HG months not being able to care for myself or my household, having to ask for help. That is a tremendous stress for those of you with this mentality. That is my biggest challenge really; not necessarily the actual illness(which is brutal). I have never been one to ask for help. Sometimes I think this is my lifes humbling or lesson in asking. I can do it myself mentality. How dumb.

So crazy to think i beat myself up during such a trying time when, hey looney your body is beating you up already. Give yourself a break. Thats one thing I will remind myself, this time around, is That i really am sick. All those people that come by with their saltines, and ginger, or other ridiculous remedies have no idea. I  really am sick. That friend who thinks she is as sick as you, and goes to work during the “ i really am sick. I am not weak.”

They have no idea what we are going through. Believe your intuition, love on yourself and trust that you are being the best that you can be.

I do enjoy putting the notes on the door "if you have anti-nausea rememdies turn around and go home" or your anti-nausea remedies are not welcome here. “leave your ginger at the door”. I think even though they are trying to help it just makes me more nauseous. (for real.) My hyper-sensitivities are ….wow unbelievable. I am already bedded up in a room with all the walls bare the books covered up and the holes duct taped so as not to let any light in. The things I love the most in life are triggers for herfing. The snuggles from Eric, the foot massages the nose nestled in my neck. Heck the hugs from my kids, them jumping on the bed, squeezing me tight. NOPE cant have it. Its torture. So I do it anyway and keep my bucket close. I madly love them inside and out. I am so blessed.

Crosby was 8lbs 10oz, which was huge for me. As I held her in that moment I looked at Eric and said she is …like two months old already. We both were amazed that women have bigger, jeez 11pounders. Yikes. We had her at a midwife place called The BirthPlace. The women were amazing and it was awesome.

Anyone who is experiencing this for the first time and feel alone, I am available via email, cell phone 208.863.4095 or this blog. I pray that you have support close or that you have a great Physician to care for your needs and listen. God Bless.