Thursday, December 9, 2010

Flash Backs & Anxiety

Hoping for the best planning for the worst. If the worst comes we shall be prepared, rather more prepared. It is amazing the support and encouragement I have receieved reading other HG moms blogs. Some of them are pregnant now and approaching HG time others are not ever going to do it again. I have decided to inhabit the closet during the months of des-ease. We have a walk in, sort of. It is really dark inside. It is inside the bathroom as well. Sort of sound proof too. I am going to cover the windows in the bathroom and put an hospital bed inside the closet. That way my husband wont be coming in and out all the time. In Peak HG it is no good for in and outers.

I had crazy dreams last night and woke up at 330 am. Couldnt turn my brain off of planning. finally went back to sleep at 630. I have been having flashbacks. Planning ahead sure gets me thinking about all the things I attempted to forget. Ha. Anyway its got me remembering for sure. I went shopping for a cozy sweater, easy on easy off for PICC time. Gonna by some burkenstock clogs too. They are so easy and cozy. I also got a thin winter hat for those trips to the doc cuz i wont be fixin the hair. The hair. With my first, Undiagnosed and ignored my hair got so ratted up, when i was able to sit in the shower, I did just that sat on the floor and dumped the whole bottle of conditioner on my head. My mother in law had to gingerly comb it out. I think we spent 2+  hours on it. Ugh. I have laura ingles hair. All the same length Down passed the middle of my back. The 2nd time around I went in and had them make two locks of love and cut it just under 2 inches short. I wasnt having a rats nest this time. Ha. NEVER CUT YOUR HAIR OFF WHEN YOUR PREGO. Lesson learned, but no rat. O the anxiety, Im not even prego yet.

Before, I never even mentioned babies til i was in getting a picc and couldnt think anymore. SO it feels weird talking about it before hand. BUT I am grateful to have this opportunity to PLAN things. I email the nanny today about the 4 months. Cant be just anyone caring for my Precious little Jewells while im on sabbitical. Thats what Im calling it now. I can look at it many different ways. I thought this was kind of funny. I wont have any responsibilities, I can lay around all the time. (the hardest part) The good news is, when your muscles have atrophied there is no tention to be found. I am a massage therapist and seem to carry a great deal of stress in back, shoulders and neck. MY therapist goes super deep and yet the buggers wont let go. When Ive lied around for four months there is no tention. No pain in the thumbs wrist arms. Its great. LOL. I continue to find the positives. THE BEST PART IS IM GROWING A BABY. Its humbling for the family to not have mommy all the time. I am surely appreciated when its time to re-enter the world.

So it looks like I will empty all things out of the closet and begin the remodel(of sorts.) Wish me luck and creativity

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